FUQs – Frequently Unanswered Questions
1. What is Mute Expressions?
It’s a Blog. More like a diary where I like to put down my thoughts . You see, I tried writing on paper, but I just hate my handwriting, so, a blog was the best alternative. It also saves paper, If you are an environmentalist. You know the thing about these thoughts is that sometimes they like to start riots inside the head. Medicines don’t work on them, so something drastic needs to be done. I usually drill a hole in my head and sleep on my keyboard. I wake up and find these words and sentences on the computer screen. They make absolutely no sense, but the headaches are gone. So I just let them be, until the hole heals and the whole cycle starts over again.
It’s my ‘Fight Club’ , if you know what I mean *Winks*
2. But, why Mute Expressions? Why not something like, ‘The Blog’ or ‘Dear Diary’ or even better, ‘The Super Awesome Blog-Diary of Anshuman Dash’?
You know what, I was this close (makes a gesture bringing my thumb and fore-finger close together) to using ‘The Super Awesome Blog-Diary of Anshuman Dash’, but unfortunately they said, it was too good and ahead of its time and that the world was not ready for it. So I had to settle for Mute Expressions.
I liked the sound of it and also it was the title of the second thing I ever wrote. It was this clichéd and teen-agery attempt to pen down how I felt about this girl I liked who liked this other guy and I wanted her to notice. I was always a wuss when it came to expressing, you see? Anyways, it obviously didn’t work out, and I am grateful it didn’t.
Anyways, the first thing I had written was called ‘Negativity’. I couldn’t have used that, too emo for a blog title, don’t you think? I didn’t want people to get all judgy, at least not more than they already were. On top of that, most of my family is internet savvy these days. A blog named ‘Negativity’ and the next thing you know, I am on my way to a shrink, because my parents think I am some sort of a closet depressive.
Mute Expressions, I am not even sure if that’s grammatically correct, but what the hell, it has a good ring to it. In fact I liked it so much that I wrote a sequel to the first Mute Expressions. But more on that later.
3. Okay, I still don’t get one thing. I f you say it’s your diary, then why is it out there in the open? Aren’t diaries supposed to be secret and personal, hidden inside secret compartments of your writing desk?
You got me! I am an attention addict (read whore), who loves to share each and every aspect of his life on the internet and expects people to read/like/comment/share so that my insatiable hunger for acknowledgement is satisfied; Or maybe not.
Even if that was ‘The Reason’, I wouldn’t tell you, because it would spoil all the fun. You see, it is indeed incredible (no sarcasm intended) how creative people can get with their “Opinions” (read Judgments). I mean, I love to deflect this particular question with a very obvious but well fabricated back-story, just for the kicks of it .
It starts with how I have always been a shy and introverted person who finds it difficult to communicate anything more complicated than high school mathematics. Then it goes into how growing up, this disability led to a lot of suppressed emotions that didn’t find any outlet and it was even more difficult with puberty messing with my hormones and everything. Then it gets even better. I get all emotional and sell how this lack of communication often led people to judge me as an asocial person and how that pushed me farther into the depths of isolation( Sometimes my ingenuity even surprises me). This part gets people hooked and now they start believing everything I say.
Then comes my ‘Accidental Writing’ story. I go on about how one day when I couldn’t cope with all that was going on around me, I sat down and put everything into words and put up the whole thing on Facebook.
Now, why did I do that? I knew I had to have a good reason for that, without sounding like an attention-seeker, and once again my brain came to my rescue.
You see, this was my way of communicating. What I couldn’t express vocally I did through the written words. I wanted people to not judge me anymore and ‘listen’ to what I had to say and some of them did listen. People related to what I had to say, they understood and after all these years I finally felt I belonged. I was not alone. After that I never looked back.
*Hello! (Waves hand) You with me?*
4. So, what is your agenda here? You think this will help you become famous? Make money? Maybe score some women or men, based on your preference? What is it exactly that you want to achieve with this blog?
My agenda? *Sighs and then takes a dramatic pause and looks into the distance*
Yes! That’s what I had in mind when I started this blog. I wanted to rule this world and my dream came true when the Martian Society for World Dominance approached me with a fool-proof plan.
The blog, it was their idea. According to their research, poetry is the best way to influence people. They knew I had it in me, the ability to write, but it had been dormant for quite some time. So, one night they abducted me and took me to their space station. Once there they started doing what they do best, probe me with strange looking stuff, and the next thing I know, I was in my room, in front of my computer screen creating this blog, and filling it with all kinds of stuff, I didn’t know I was capable of writing. I had a purpose now and I knew I was on the right path. Everything was so clear.
This is Phase-I of ‘The Plan’. Once I get enough(a scientifically determined number by the famous Martian scientist, Dr. He-Who-Must-Be-Named ) followers/likes/shares/re-tweets/+1’s on my posts, Phase-II shall be rolled out, and that is going to be spectacular.
I know you must think I am crazy, even I had my doubts, but with time my self-belief has grown stronger.
Just wait and watch. Just wait and watch. *Evil Laugh*